My brave, handsome Edward,
Damn fools nearly got us all killed!
One wanker brought down a four ton block on his bloody head! The fates must have been in a right good humor, though, for Royce and I were nowhere near the imbecile when it fell. Squashed him into bloody marmalade. Even my significant skill with medicine couldn’t save the poor bastard. Just as well, I suppose – he would have been a damned invalid had he survived.
I am grateful for finding Royce, even though he’d put himself in a jolly good mess again. Nothing I couldn’t liberate him from. But it is good to have at least one civilized person with some wits about them. The rest of this lot doesn’t even have a half-wit between them.
Oh Edward! That cretin Shmegwirth, or whatever the hell his awful name is, had the audacity to trifle with me! I had a good mind to open up his bloody skull with the butt of my pistol just to see how damned empty it actually was…
If you had only been here Edward. My sweet Rosebud misfired! Shattered her clean in two, I’ll have to rebuild her entirely. And all of this horrible misfortune Just to save those bloody wankers!
But I digress. We found murals, Edward! Portraits of the King in Yellow, and of the Great Old One himself – great Cthulhu! Oh, we’re on to something grand, the find of a century!
I hope to be home and in your arms soon, my dear handsome Edward.
Yours as long as love shall last,
Caitlyn Elizabeth Stirge